Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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