In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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