Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize