OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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