I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
