I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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