I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize