So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
