Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
