Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
