How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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