You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
