I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
