The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
