Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
