Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
