the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
