For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
