I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
