I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
