Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
