Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
