I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
