I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Terrible idea I love it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
