sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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