It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
