I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
