I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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