Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
