I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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