I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
