just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We need a shit load of segways right now
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
