Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
