I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
