home. puking in laundry basket.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
