i don't like sucking hair
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
