I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
