I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
