I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
