Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
