you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize