im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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