If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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