I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
