I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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