Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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