i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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