I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Drunk is a universal language darling
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
