i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
