evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Green mimosas i think yes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
