I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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