She's JV to your varsity
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
