I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
