Screwed.edu
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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