This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
