i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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