I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
