Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
