I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
