I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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