I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
