Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
