I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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