So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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